Am I a Slut?

This week I would like to focus on the word “slut,” what it means to me, what it means to reclaim it, and to explore the question that I’ve been grappling with: am I a slut?

This word “slut” has been circulating around everyday conversations between strangers, friends, families, lovers, and so on. & depending on the context in which it is used, its meaning can propel certain attitudes towards sexuality. For instance, a friend uses the word slutty to describe your flirtatious behaviour and/or your choice of clothing in a way that seems playful and something that can be giggled about. However, as Meghan Murphy explained, it can also be “used to hurt, shame, and abuse us [...] in order to silence us, control us, punish us and, of course, blame us.” This really speaks to my experiences with some of the encounters I’ve had with strangers who have made an unfair assumption about my sexuality based on stereotypes they believe are true, as a quick way to categorize people. Whether this word can be used to empower us or used as a weapon of sexism, the problem I find is that the use of this word and its various meanings (that contradict each other) are normalized within our society. Thus it would be understandable that “reclaiming” the word slut can be both difficult and problematic – but at the same time, having the choice to do so can potentially be a source of empowerment to take back some form of control.

As the word slut gets tossed around, I am left wondering though, who can reclaim this word? As Murphy describes the Slutwalk as a platform for a certain kind of feminism: “the kind that reassures the public that feminists are just attractive, heterosexual, women who love penises [...] and don’t threaten the status quo.” With that being said, though I do not identify as either gender due to its strict societal boundaries, I am still perceived to be biologically male which I fear can be used against me... leading me to question if it is even appropriate for me to reclaim the word slut for myself despite my experiences with it.

There is still a part of me that desires to reclaim this word, simply because I’ve been afraid of it for so long. I’ve been told repeatedly, as Jaclyn Friedman beautifully puts it:

“A slut is NOT THEM. A slut is other. A slut is someone, usually a woman, who’s stepped outside of the very narrow lane that good girls are suppose to stay within, [...] those of us who color outside of the lines get called sluts. And that word is meant to keep use in line. To separate us. To make us police each other, turn on each other, and turn each other in so that we can prove we’re not 'like that.' That word comes with such consequences that many of us rightly work to avoid it at all costs.”   

There is solidarity in which the personal becomes the political, working together for social change. Going back to my question: am I a slut? To be honest, I am still unsure, so for the time being, I will say maybe I am. Regardless, I do have a clearer understanding of what it would mean to reclaim this word for myself... & that is to go into that scary place that I’ve been often warned about and to conquer it in a way that I am no longer afraid of it. & when I am no longer afraid, then it cannot be used against me, and to me, there is something truly empowering about that.

Thank You!